Viva Variety Stages 38th Show
BY SISTER DANA VAN IQUITY
11 March 2004
Viva Variety, San Francisco's longest running queer and queer-friendly variety show, held its 38th smash show with both local and imported talent. The company is gearing up for its 5th anniversary on April 13th. Host and creator of Viva Variety, Steve Murray, was quite elegant in silver pants and shirt, announcing the beneficiary of this month's show, Metropolitan Community Foundation for the homeless.
The show started out with a bang when Trixxie Carr, a sexxy woman in little else than fishnets and black bustier, approached a chair where a large dildo was persched and began lip-synching a love song the to rubber husband in the form of Hall & Oates' "One on One" song. "I can feel the magic of your touc," said the telling lyrics, but she was torn between that and the stainless steel vibrator on a stoool on the other side of the stage, wooing that device as well. At last she chost both - two one one?? Later she would return to play on amplified acoustic guitar a David Bowie medley, and when the accompanist began playing piano, she leapt on top of the instrument and lay across it like a lounging lounge singer, sexily kicking her legs behind her.
The Kitchenettes - Eryka Raines, Linda Losuet, and Lua Hadar - are a saucy trio who sing novelty songs about food, which are double entendres for love and sex. This was their second appearance. They sang the '40s ditty, "Sing For Your Supper" and a nostalgic piece about, of all things "Sweet Kentucky Ham." They finished off with "Sweet Potato," which appeared to be about a fleshy root other than the luberous variety. Acoustic singer/songwriter Kate Klaire sang her composition, "A Hero's Return," which she renamed "Steve's Song," since it was Murray's favorite. She followed with "Keep It Light Enough to Travel," all about being drunk again on her favorite street and not bothering no one no how.
Tom Smith, a new comic from the Monday Q-Comedy showcase at the Community Center, gave us political humor in these times when there ain't much to laugh about in politics. This was particularly timely, since it was primary voting day, and he revealed, "My sticker said, 'I voted: CRAP!'" Smith said he admired Bush [not!] because "it takes courage to be the 'before picture' for education." He commented on Bush's cowboy approach to war of "Bring it on" as the American mating call of the North American mullet. He suggested Bush become the first American to go to Mars...and leave him there. Julia Jackson also came to Viva Variety via Q-Comedy showcase, and she will be featured at the Punch Line on St. Patrick's Day. She did a great bit about "the worst political hairdos in San Francisco" - Gavin Newsom's plastered look vs. Matt Gonzalez' disheveled look. "That's why we stuck with Willie Brown for so long," she explained. "That man has style." And speaking of Newsom, regarding gay marriage she called the mayor Jesus H. Christ to George Bush's antichrist. Jackson said she was in no hurry to get married. "I don't know whether you know about this word - it's called 'alimony,' and I am NOT ready give up half my shit!"
Mystic Marlow calls himself the mystifier, and for good reason. His magic tricks are quite fine - the usual scarves, balls, cards, and such - but where he truly mystifies is the circus sideshow torture he puts himself through. He jammed an ice pick up his nose, walked barefoot on shards of glass, hung a leather coat on a wire hanger on his tongue, stapled dollar bills to his arm, and lay down on a bed of nails, which was proven to be authentic when he asked unsuspecting little me to throw an apple onto the nail bed. I confessed that I threw like a girl, and yet by some miracle my thrust was so great that Marlow had much difficulty in extracting the fruity projectile.
Although Ann Miller died about two months ago, her doppelganger Matthew Martin took her place, with full-on Miller side-swept black wig, red satin, fringed tap pants and shoes to do an outstanding Milleresque tap number, complete with Ann's famous whirling and twirling. Martin-Miller lip-synched to "Too Darn Hot" while burning up the stage with her hot, hot dance moves. Faux Queen Anita Cocktail, dolled up like a Spanish flamenco dancer in red and black, clicked her castanets and sang live a humorous piece, "Senorita Nina from Argentina," about a Latin mamacita who did NOT like dancing and made it quite plain: "Do NOT begin the beguine!" For her second knockout number, she sang a truly bravado "Bring on the Men!" and gave all us sluts a run for our money.
Trauma Flinstone appeared as her alter ego, Joe Collins, along with three fellow actors, doing an extremely moving piece, "Calling All Angels, combining singing and poetry pertaining to the Matthew Shepard gay-bashing tragedy.
Whistler extraordinaire Jason Serinus, the "voice" of Woodstock the little yellow bird from the "Peanuts" comic strip, who is considered the Pavarotti of pucker, performed two love songs in honor of all the gay marriages being performed -- the Academy Award-winning Jerome Kern classic, "The Way You Look tonight" and a German aria, "Thine Is My Heart Alone." The range and timbre of Serinus' whistle was astonishing to behold.
We were fortunate that fantastic pianis, who is arguably the world's foremost interpreter of Gershwin (having sold out Hollywood Bowl last year), was in town that week, so we could witness the phenomenal Kevin Cole and his astounding fingering technique on the keys. His Gershwin medley included "Embraceable You," "But Not For Me," "The Man I Love," "Someone To Watch Over Me," "Lady Be Good," "Swanne," and "Strike Up the Band," to name just a few. Cole had the audience completely captivated, resulting in a well deserved, thundering, foot-stomping standing ovation. This is the caliber of entertainment offered at Viva Variety, and you cn expect them to go all out for the 5th anniversary. Reservations and information available at or call (415) 863-0741.