Another Winning Viva Variety!
BY SISTER DANA VAN IQUITY
26 August 2004
The 42nd variation of "Viva Variety", San Francisco's longest running variety show, played at the Buriel Clay Theatre. Hosted by Steve Murray- the new Ed Sullivan - the show featured an eclectic mix of the finest performers from dance, physical circus, comedy and music. This one was a benefit for Magnet, whose mission is to promote the health and well-being of gay men in the City.
The show opened with Velocity Circus' Olaf, a bizarre man in baggy pants and bowtie, who frustratingly conducted audience volunteers on cowbells and cymbals while singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb". His music sheets kept falling from the stand, so he'd reach to pick hem up and hit his head in some well-timed masochistic physical comedy. I sat right next to the loudest cowbell player, Magnet Executive Director Steve Gibson, and didn't know whether to laugh or go deaf.
Choreographer Philip Jones and Conner Akin, stripped to the waist, performed an impressive pas de deux from the "Prayer Cycle", bowing to the florr, embracing each other with grace and manliness, and forming a human steeple.
"There's only one thing more fun than a drag queen - and that's drag queen with an accordion," Murray said, introducing Kielbasia the red-haired Polish lunch lady. She sang original peieces about life in the Old Country of Kabouschka and played her instrument, occasionally raising her other instrument - a bejeweled ladle known as "lyzka" that she brandished for 25 years in the lunch line. She sang the "Prescription Polka", all abou the joys of getting older and taking pills for every little symptom that might pop up. She finished with Pat Benatar's "Love in a Battlefield", with the hilarious lyrics: "Here we stand / heartburn to heartburn / Lunch is a Battlefield."
The next act billed themselves as an extravaganza of queer dancing girls - the Diamond Daggers and their burlesque. Dressed in different rainbow colors, the took us back to the decadent days of Moulin Rouge with a rowdy, sexy cancan, kicking high and showing thigh (not to mention lace panties). Later they returned to do a Roaring 20's dance in red and white seaside attire with matching parasols, while their drag king in top hat and tails strutted about lip-synching "I Found A Million Dollar Baby in a Five and Ten Cent Store", and eventually everyone went topless with rose petal pasties.
Queer comic Shelley Steward started off with a bit about my fellow Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and goldebn showers for charity. Right away I was touched by him, but the security staff managed to wrestle him off (just kidding). Then he lashed into porn stars. "Its easy. I could be a porn star, because I have a big dick," he said, and added, "Its home in my nightstand drawer and its rechargeable." He said he learned from Magnet that a top is not a cheap shirt from Old Navy and bare-backing is not just an equestrian term.
Jazz Musician Zack Ferris was a bit of an enigma. He arrived late for the first act, which forced Murray and team to move he piano around several times in front of he audience. He explained he had a bad day, but didn't elaborate. Instead he put his head down on the keyboard and just sat there forever while the audience fidgeted. When he finally did play, it was a great jazz set of original cool jazz going into frenetic and back to smooth. He tried miserably to tell a joke and went back to doing what he does best - play jazz.
Tim Hockenberry, a frequent performer at the Plush Room and other venues, melted men's hearts with his sexy raw, throaty, almost gravelly voice reminiscent of Joe Cocker but much prettier (both in voice and looks). Typically barefoot and the piano, he plinked out "A House Where Nobody Lives", which he called a depressing little number, followed with a soulful rendition of "St. James Infirmary Blues". The enthusiastic clapping, stomping and hooting audience got their encore with an upbeat "Pennies from Heaven".
Amy Boyd, a really funny comic with whom I had the pleasure of doing an "Out for Laughs" pilot several years ago, did an uproarious routine about the fun and foibles of being a dyke cop. "I didn't really join the force because I wanted to get the bad guys. It was basically just for the cool uniform." She said, and added, "actually I already had one in my closet." Of course the handcuffs and baton were an added bonus. Also doing a timely riff on the Olympics craze, she suggested that everyone after completing any task successfully, should make the Olympic victory stance and dramatic thrust of the arms upward. Which is what Murray should do at the end of each "Viva Variety", because these shows are such a success! He next "VV", the 43rd edition, will be Sept. 28. Check out vivavariety.org or call (415) 863-0741 to make reservations. Then make an Olympic victory pose for yourself!!!