Viva Variety Takes Final Bow
BY SISTER DANA VAN IQUITY
1 December 2005
On Nov. 22, Viva Variety brought down the curtain for the last time. Well, not literally, since there is no actual curtain at ODC Theatre, but it was the final show in the series of 50 fabulous fundraising variety programs raising a total of over $45,000 since its debut in April 1999.
The opening act was Jesse, a Mr. Universe contestant, flexing and posing and moving his hunky body about, making the gay boys pant and sweat. Then out came VV producer/emcee Steve Murray in a flesh-colored body suit, bulging with quilted muscles and six-pack stitched abs.
The next act won an OutWord award and was a returning performer to VV, singer/songwriter Katherine Chase. She sang about "what’s your name from whoozitsville, I don’t remember" from her composition on acoustic guitar entitled "How To Breathe" and then did a timely number about her escaping from the hurricane in New Orleans.
Silent comedian Rob Kaiser (not sure of last name, because I sat in the cheap seats this time, where clear hearing was not a factor) revolved his entire act around silence and cane-tapping, training the audience to clap the number of times he tapped. He did juggling, hat tricks, cone tossing, and audience mastering.
Drag queen supreme Varla Jean Merman was her usual creative self, utilizing a music video she had starred in nd produced, "All I Want to Do Is Make Love to You," about her pursuit of a nerdy, cross-eyed Burger King worker. She also sang a highly operatic version of the disco hit, "Ring My Bell" and "Carol of the Bells" in high soprano, which occasionally cracked on purpose into a deep baritone. She dragged out a tray of bells and rang them to the tunes. This recent New Orleans refugee quipped, "Do you like my dress? It’s your FEMA dollars hard at work."
Fauxnique, former Miss Trannyshack 2003 and faux queen (drag queen trapped in a real woman’s body) did some of that odd performance art we have come to expect, this time as an overly made-up marionette on a string in various dance poses, reciting gibberish. Ya hadda been there!
The irrevocably damaged Miss Peggy L’Eggs has entertained 34 times on the VV stage, and for her last appearance this bizarre drag queen did the mad scene of Ophelia from Hamlet. First she played a fussy lady in waiting, filling a kiddy pool with a huge jug of Sparklets water. Then the old lady went offstage to continue talking and changing into her young Ophelia drag, returning and attempting to drown herself in the pool and then singing her version of "Hey, Mickey, You’re So Fine," but substituting "Hey, Hamlet," and other Shakespearean references. I don’t know about Ophelia, but I’m damned certain Miss L’Eggs is insane. And fabulous.
Another Peggy, "Miss Peggy Judy"is crazy in a different way, as a comic cabaret singer. This blond who dresses like a faux queen claims to be a lounge singer at various hot spots such as Stuckeys restaurant in Truckee and the Bakersfield Nut Tree Inn, doing her act by the souvenir card area. She and her alleged fourth ex-husband piano player do old standards and get quite histrionic at times. She sang "My Funny Valentine" and told her melodramatic tale of losing various husbands in her life. She said she always enjoys coming to Viva Variety, although she didn’t appreciate it when Steve Murray wore her clothes backstage. "He’s got my mink on right now," she complained. Another of her sad stories was how Connie Francis won the audition over her, but she still bravely sang CF’s "Where the Boys Are" for us, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.
What is the holiday song that has beat out "White Christmas" in sales for the last couple of years? Why, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," of course. And we were lucky enough to experience its author, Doctor Elmo on strings, and the burlesque pianist Kitten on the Keys, sing this cult classic. Elmo also sang his latest about Martha Stewart having left prison and taking her Christmas flair with her: "It’s a Hokey Poky Without Martha."
Will Franken, fresh from his show at the Marsh Theatre, is no ordinary comedian. He’s extra zany. He’s like Robin Williams on acid, changing characters and voices and entire thoughts midstream. It would be difficult to pin down any one part of his off-the-wall set, but to give you an idea, he did a public service announcement about joining a school to learn to give better PSAs, and then a PSA about much better schools to learn about PSAs, et cetera. He also did a bit about a quilt contest, where the finalists were a man who made the STD quilt, since too much had been focused on the AIDS quilt; and a homophobe who stitched a homophobia quilt because he wanted people to sympathize with being naturally born homophobic. He remarked, "But now that I think of it, sewing a quilt was a pretty gay thing to do."
Matthew Martin takes on many a different character, mostly notably his Baby Jane Hudson and his latest imitation of Bette Davis from the smash play, Hush Up, Sweet Charlotte. But that night he was the elderly yet feisty Kathryn Hepburn in her classic Lion in Winter outfit, head covered in a white scarf and shaking with tremors. She chose to recite "’twas the Night Before Christmas" with all her dramatic flair. "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care," she began reading, and added, "God, was Spencer Tracy ever hung! He was a raging bull!" and then went back to the actual words on the page. But soon she had regressed reciting from On Golden Pond, regarding her "knight in shining armor, the old poop." She finally put down the holiday tale and began reading from her autobiography, Me, "Because who knows more about me, than me?!"
The show ended with a video montage of many of the memorable moments and performers from VV, while Connie Champagne sang behind it on the tape, doing her famous Gloria Swanson from Sunset Boulevard. Murray came out in one to speak to the audience one last time: "For six years it’s been a labor of love to present established performers as well as new acts to you,always with the hope that you’d see something different, challenging, thought provoking, or outrageous." He mentioned the variety of acts over the years: theater, spoken word, dance, music, comedy, magic, and physical circus from every gender, culture, and ethnicity." He said, "Viva Variety has been a dream fulfilled, my passion, and a wonderful experience. I encourage you to continue to support the arts, to find something or someone to love, and to love what you do and do what you love.” So all Steve really needs is a sugar daddy or patron of the arts to help support his work. It could be like Cher’s final concert after her very last final concert. Viva could be back too. I’ll be patiently waiting in the wings.